i'm not the eldest daughter.

the birth order theory broken down

i’m not the eldest daughter. i’m the youngest of two. am i allowed to relate to the oldest daughter discourse that’s all over substack? to know exactly what it feels like? because i do. and i don’t think the fact that i understand it has anything to do with my birth order.

it’s everywhere. good luck scrolling through substack or pinterest and not finding something about being an eldest daughter. the other day, i was doing my daily scroll and came upon this note. i felt it in my soul. i relate to it so heavily it hurts. but i hesitated to like it. why? because i’m not the eldest daughter. it shouldn’t apply to me.

the aforementioned note. you’re a real one hannah.

in my social studies class near the start of the year, we briefly studied birth order psychology. as a (possible?) aspiring psychologist/ psychology research analyst, i was very intrigued by the topic. we only spent a few sessions on it, but it got me thinking a lot. we learnt about the stereotypes around birth order and the correlation to personality - youngest children are sociable and outgoing, middle children are competitive, only children are spoiled, and so on.

i don’t believe for a second that there is no correlation between birth order and personality traits; there is at least some. scientific research has found it has little to no impact on personality trait development, but i do think that most people, whether they fit the stereotypes or not, can relate to this theory or know someone who can.

i have an older brother. he’s two and a half years older than me, and we’re fairly close.(shout out j. i highly doubt you are reading this because i made you download substack to subscribe to me with the full knowledge that you would basically never engage with my posts. oh well.) he definitely follows the traditional eldest child archetypes; responsible, a leader… i do believe that the birth order theory has the most impact on eldest children, as the first few years of a child’s life are the most beneficial for their development, and eldest children are the only ones in the house, meaning they get the majority of the attention and the parents or caregivers aren’t chasing around another child. the following children born ‘get on with it’ more, and tend to fit into the routine of the household growing up. it might be going a bit far to say that children down the birth order have more autonomy, but their development and the attention they receive in the early years is different to the first child, so at least in that respect, i think that the birth order has some relevance.

but why do i feel like i belong as an oldest child? i’ve been told by quite a few people that i give ‘oldest child energy’ (slightly unrelated but one time i was told that i give the vibes that i’m from a huge family and have lots of siblings because i quote “am quiet and respectful”. i laughed politely). though i do feel i fit into the traditional youngest child archetype in some respects, i also feel at home within the eldest daughter discourse. whether i want to be an eldest daughter because i relate to them or i relate to them because i want to be one, i’m not sure. but it would be amazing if people stopped being so relatable so i don’t feel like a fraud.

eldest daughters - or at least those portrayed on substack and pinterest - are who i am, and in the ways i am not, who i want to be. they are the ambitious, ever-aesthetic-appearing, responsible ones of the family. journals and publications here titled ‘diary of an eldest daughter’ or something similar are where i find the words that tell the story of my soul, that i feel so deeply.

so do these traits and the portrayal of the ever-in-thought eldest daughters in media actually have anything to do with the psychology of birth order? science would say probably not, but i feel like there is a correlation. a correlation does not mean that other’s can’t relate to the traditional characteristics of a position other than theirs in the birth order, but these traits are fairly complementary.

i’m not the eldest daughter. but my soul says i am. and i will continue to internally be one until everyone stops being insanely relatable on this platform :)